My Aunt Carmen passed away a week ago. She was 92.
One of four siblings, of which my mother was the eldest, she was the last living member of her generation. All the others before her having left this world a long, long time ago.
This is my tribute to her memory.
At the very outset, and in the interest of full disclosure, I would like to confess that whatever I have to say is heavily biased. Simply because Carmen was not only my mother’s sister, she was also my godmother.
It’s funny, whenever we suffer a personal loss – be it a hard drive that crashes causing a year’s worth of images to go up in smoke, or a son that leaves home to study abroad or, as in this case, the passing away of a very near and very dear one – our thoughts inevitably tend to get prefixed by two simple words:
‘I wish…’
‘I wish’… I got to spent more time with her…
‘I wish…’ I could have contributed more in the last few weeks towards alleviating her suffering…
‘I wish…’ I was more vocal in my appreciation of her…
How absolutely stunning, for instance, she looked in a sari even when she was well past her 80s.
Or how much I admired her zest for life. Here was an individual on whom Life had singled out to dump far more that the average set of problems. From losing her husband relatively early, to a whole of bunch medical issues each of which in their own right being what most would consider ‘serious’. And yet, she never ever gave the impression that she allowed any of them to weigh her down.
Far from it. Till very recently, for example, she was more than willing to accept documents and even entire manuscripts for proof reading. An amazing feat given the fact that she had sight in only one eye, having lost the other to a cataract surgery that went horribly wrong decades ago. And despite that, let me tell you, she did an exceptionally good job.
On a more selfish note, ‘I wish…’ I spent more time picking her brains for information on family members like my grandparents, great grand parents, and grand uncles and grand aunts that have gone on before her. Till the very end her mind was crystal clear and tack sharp and being the last of her generation it was truly an opportunity missed. With her demise that slate has now been wiped clean.
Looking around at the people attending her Memorial the fact that she was well loved was obvious to see. Each one, without exception, struggling to come to terms with the loss.
Yet I’d like to think that somewhere, someplace, far, far away there is a small group of individuals that are actually celebrating.
After being made to wait patiently for an extraordinarily long period of time, one particular family is, at long last, whole again. And though she did take her own sweet time to make up her mind, the prodigal daughter had finally returned home.
My dear Aunt Carmen, till we meet again, may your soul rest in peace.
I honestly feel that Grace descends on you when in contact with souls like your aunt. May she celebrate her new life…
Couldn’t agree more Radha. She was certainly one of a kind and I have absolutely no qualms in admitting that I was a huge fan…
Lots of love and hugs CT!
Beautifully penned Ian
Thanks Robin!
Not sure why but every time I read one of your musings I am uplifted – thank you so much
Ha ha! Thanks Glenn. I can’t vouch for all of the others but maybe because this particular one came from the heart !!
Nice Ian. As our parents age too there is much to reflect upon and things I want to do.
Thanks Rachael! I guess when the time comes there will always be something that we wished we had done differently. What is important is that we put our hearts into it and give it our best shot…
So true about the “I wish” …hard to say goodbye period! When very close and loved ..the physical form transforms to an energy that continues to remain with you. Sorry for your loss …but beautifully penned once again!!
Thanks Fiona!
The part about ‘the energy that continues to remain with you’…beautifully put and so very true…
Ian a loving tribute penned beautifully straight from your large heart is indeed very touching & reflective for all of us. I wish … still resonates in all of us with guilt feeling gnawing… We need to change gears a wee bit, review our priorities & enjoy the precious relationship in our transient materialistic world.
Carmen was a persona of grace , dignity, wit, happiness & delightfully well read with abundant patience & love for literature
Kindly accept our sincere condolences & sympathy & mea culpa for not being present. I wish ….
Beautifully put, Trevor! Love the way you have described Carmen. She certainly was all that and more. Many thanks.
What a lovely tribute, Ian!
Thanks Anjali!
Lovely and touching!
Thanks Anil!
Dear Ian, no matter at what age they depart, the finality of death is a big blow to those left behind! None of us is here to stay; we’re all in a transitionary state, and although we accept that fact, it is still not easy losing someone near and dear to us. Please accept my sincere and heartfelt condolences.
I remember your Aunt Carmen, a very attractive woman, who carried herself so well, and so well spoken too. May she Rest In Peace.
Thanks Genie. You are so right. Your description of my aunt was spot on… down to the very last ‘t’!